Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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