this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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