Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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