Just fell off a train. Bad.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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