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Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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