it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
