You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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