Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
