I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize