He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
