doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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