nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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