i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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