Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
