she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
