Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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