just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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