Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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