see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
