make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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