her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
