im about as happy as oj after his trial
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
