Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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