when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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