dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
