I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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