well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We have started to decorate penises.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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