There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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