If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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