i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
