In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
