you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
