I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
