Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
