shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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