Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize