This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
