Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize