i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
