I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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