I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
