Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize