he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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