i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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