Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
