literally had 100 drinks last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
