Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
