i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
