making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
