every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
