why didn't you poke me back
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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