I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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