apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
