I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
