I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do vagina's smell?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
