who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
