I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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