I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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