five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
