Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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