Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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