dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
