I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
