What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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