can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
