just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
