You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
