I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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