i was rollin on her like bob the builder
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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