what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
