I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Randomize
