Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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