dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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