Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
