their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize