where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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