bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
