my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
