I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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