the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
