Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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