JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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