he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
