Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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