She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
